| System: Game Boy Advance | Graphics: |
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| Publisher: Capcom | Sound: |
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| Year: 2003 | Difficulty: |
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| Genre: Tactical role-playing game | Rating: |
5/10 |
Do you know what Capcom and Pizza Del Arte have in common?
[Pizza Del Arte is a French “cheap” pizza restaurant chain. – Ed.]
A few years ago, my mother and I were seated at a table, patiently waiting for someone to deign to take our order (might as well specify, it was the establishment at Créteil Soleil). The room was practically empty, with waiters circling around us while avoiding eye contact. After a quarter of an hour, my mother said: “Shall we leave?”. Having worked in the restaurant industry for years, I expressed my discomfort with displaying our dissatisfaction so overtly. She responded more or less: “I’m old now, and the only advantage of ageing is that I no longer care about sparing anyone’s feelings”. And so, we stood up and left, under the evasive yet disapproving gaze of the employees. We felt utterly gleeful, like rebellious children after a mischievous act!
More than ten years have passed since I wrote the short article about Mega Man Battle Network 2. I fully understood it was a game series aimed at children, and that I’ve become too old for this shit, as someone once said. Nevertheless, out of editorial conscience, I wanted to document the sequel. First, I submitted to the tutorial, for the third time. I followed, with all the patience that characterises me, the interminable saccharine dialogues that made me want to throw myself out the window. I solved nursery school-level puzzles. I complied when the game made me go back and forth for hours, interrupting me every thirty seconds with random battles against the same two types of enemies. I don’t doubt that enemy variety increases, and that combat mechanics become interesting later, after dozens of hours of gameplay. But to get there, what a purge! Just because you’re called Mega Man or Capcom doesn’t mean I should consent to sacrificing entire weekends before understanding what’s going on.
It was at the point where I took the fourth screenshot that I considered I had waited long enough for the game to present its menu. That’s when I packed up my metaphorical bags and left, not without relief and glee!
Recently, I watched a video review of the Mega Man Battle Network Legacy Collection. The journalist casually remarked: “If you’ve played one, you’ve played them all!” and promptly got torn apart by fans in the comments.
Let’s be clear, it’s not every day you’ll see me defending an editorialist … but he’s absolutely right! Apart from a few gimmicky mechanics, some of which are only revealed quite late in the game—it’s practically identical to its predecessors. It’s a hyper-standardised (and in a sense, mastered) product, reconditined and resold annually to consumers who say thank you. Personally, I expect more evolution from a role-playing game than a platformer, because it occupies much more time, random combat phases become tedious, and engaging with the story and dialogues requires an effort from me that must be proportional to the writing effort.
If we’re going to play the provocation card, let’s go all the way. The other day, I heard a YouTuber denounce the use of scores in video game reviews. Apparently, it would be disrespectful to creators. Are you kidding me? These studios, sitting on lucrative franchises, treat us like docile cash cows. It would be good to remind everyone that players have the right to be critical and even demanding. Moreover, some consider it unthinkable to dare to offer an opinion on a game one hasn’t completed. Rubbish! For me, it’s an integrated parameter.
5/10, thanks, bye!
