It all began in Desolace, with the meeting of a poor centaur cast out by his own. He wished to acquire a gem of power or some such trinket, held by a prophet or some other visionary of his tribe. I’m not entirely sure what he planned to do with it—take control of the centaur tribes, dominate the world, or perhaps make a belt buckle out of it… Anyway, his exile touched me, and I agreed to fetch the gem for him, which led me to Maraudon. On the way, I encountered a group of adventurers heading there as well. We decided to join forces to complete the various quests each of us was pursuing. As we discussed our respective goals, I realised that some of us had to deal with a princess. Ah! Now that sounded interesting! Far more glamorous than snatching some random stone, no matter how magical it was! To rescue a princess! With my heart full and my step firm, I followed my companions as they ventured into the dark caves of Maraudon.
A strong smell of cattle filled the dry air of the caves. We were met by belligerent centaurs, not at all keen on letting outsiders enter their den. But they didn’t stop us for long, and their bodies marked our passage as we delved deeper into the network of underground tunnels. Everything went pretty smoothly, despite the incident where, carried away by my unrestrained enthusiasm from previous battles, I shot an arrow at yet another of these many half-man, half-horse hybrids. Unfortunately, I hadn’t noticed his confident demeanor or his towering height, nor the two other centaurs accompanying him. He was probably part of the elite warriors of his tribe, judging by his fighting prowess. Still, my companions and I emerged victorious from this fierce battle. After some scolding from my group about my hasty actions, we continued on our way. The journey had been long, and I already felt some hungry eyes turning towards my trusty Ostrich. But we pressed on further into Maraudon. We encountered some sort of greenish, viscous slimes that came dangerously close to us, and one of my comrades, the most experienced of us, strongly advised that we attack from a distance. Ha! Perfect, that was my specialty as a hunter! That said, after retreating to keep the enemy at bay, progressing through narrow walkways, bridges, and perilous drops… I stupidly fell into a ravine. I climbed back up just in time to see my companions finish off the last creature … and approach my familiar with an odd look. When they saw me coming, they stopped but made some remarks about the tenderness of my animal companion’s flesh. Feeling uneasy, I continued to follow them. Their innuendos grew more and more direct as they salivated at the sight of my Ostrich. These cannibals might have tried to taste him if one of them hadn’t shouted out “The princess!”
The princess, at last! We were going to rescue her from the clutches of … of what exactly? My daydreams were interrupted by a foul stench as we approached gigantic elementals. I spotted one of them at the back of the cave, looking particularly hideous and rancid. It was probably him who had imprisoned the princess … though I couldn’t see her anywhere. Where could he have hidden that charming, sweet creature? But the battles had already begun. The group had launched an attack on the nearest enemy, while the second approached rapidly. Without hesitation, I fired arrows at the opponent, aiming for its enormous head. The fight was tough, but we eventually brought down the two elementals. Only the biggest one remained, before reaching the … princess? As I looked more closely at what I had first mistaken for a bloated elemental, I realised this creature possessed undeniably feminine attributes. It had a head with three nightmarish faces, rolls of fat that would make a well-fed orc pale, and an obvious tendency to release foul-smelling gas. At my stunned expression, one of my companions confirmed my worst fears: this thing WAS the princess! Princess Theradras, a creature of chaos whom we were not meant to save, but to destroy. The situation was taking a whole new turn. Still, I decided to support my companions in their fight.
The strongest among us, a shaman, charged at the princess to provoke her and try to keep her attention. Then we all joined in, firing our sharpest arrows, casting our most destructive spells, unleashing all our power on the vile creature. Until the shaman fell. I watched as the members of the group quickly collapsed, one by one, struck down by the giant’s blows. Being the farthest away, I was the last survivor. Seeing the enemy in poor shape, I continued to bombard her frantically with my arrows, which landed in her flesh like mosquito bites. Her rage easily compensated for the weakening from her wounds, and I succumbed to the first of her blows. She then retreated to the back of her cave to recover. My companions, knowing the secrets of nature and life, brought us back one by one from the dead. Determined to take revenge and now aware of the enemy’s strength, they were ready for a rematch. My pants were torn to shreds, and my bracers were in tatters, offering no protection. But since my specialty was ranged attack, I thought it wouldn’t make much of a difference. Indeed, the second fight was eerily similar to the first. Our lifeless bodies littered the cave floor. After a few moments, the shaman brought us back to life once more. This time, my chestplate and shoulder pads had become useless rags. It was with bad grace and very little hope that I reluctantly agreed to a third fight. But when I grabbed my bow, I realised my hand had closed around a piece of wood tied with frayed string to some splinters. A comrade handed me a lesser-quality bow than mine, but in better condition. The third battle began. The third slaughter. Tired of our successive defeats, I left the rest of the group, who soon left Maraudon, having finally realised what our chances were against the princess.
Despite its cannibalistic tendencies, I have fond memories of that group, especially of Pochtroll’s witty remarks, faithful to troll humor. However, fellow hunter, take this advice to heart when entering a cramped place with strangers: don’t bring along too appetizing a familiar!
